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Changing the way we feel about others and ourselves can be overwhelming and lead to a cycle of suppressed emotions. In this book, Dr. Tapu draws on his many years of experience as a relational psychologist to explain why this difficulty arises and what we can do about it. According to Dr. Tapu, the key to fixing our feelings is actually in the effort to stop trying to fix our feelings and, instead, change the way we express these feelings. The cause of many relationship problems, this book states, is the crossing of wires between the way we think, act, feel, and express ourselves. In order to function well in a relationship, we must act based on our thoughts (and not emotions) and express ourselves based on the way we feel (and not what we think). The concept is simple and is delivered through a number of short sections chock-full of examples. Each section is directed to either readers who want to improve their relationships or to therapists who want to apply the idea to their own patients.
Dr. Tapu fills the short book with many real-world examples, displaying the necessary shift in thinking through the patients' points of view as they go through therapy. However, each sample is provided with little context or explanation, leaving the reader to draw his or her own conclusions. This method turns a simple concept into one that is sometimes confusing, since at times the difference in thinking can come through just one word change. The book makes up for this by presenting readers with plenty of diagrams as a visual aid. Readers can use the diagrams and patient examples to map their way toward changing the way they view relationship problems.