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The author of this memoir recounts her life year by year in this tale of abuse, isolation, struggle, temptation, addiction, and redemption. From a young age, Johnson lived with her extended family under the care of her grandmother, who kept a roof over her head but had a tendency to treat her meanly and deny her anything beyond the basics of care. Her mother was constantly in and out of prisons or mental facilities, and her father was not allowed to take her home for undisclosed reasons. Finding her own ways to entertain herself and have fun, the author grew up into a shy but capable caretaker, looking after the younger members of her family instead of being a carefree child. As she grew older, she learned more about herself and the things that made her happy.
As an adult, she soon found herself to be a mother and married to a man that she loved dearly, but the specters of past behaviors loomed in the distance as he became secretive, cruel, and controlling. Responsible for herself but swearing that her children would not have to go through the same difficulties she did, she navigated herself through adulthood, taking on multiple jobs and living a life that she felt she deserved. However, years of physical flings and friends with bad habits took a toll on her, and even time spent in the National Guard left her with more problems than solutions. It would take being pushed to the brink of death and homelessness, but, eventually, the important things came into focus. A life worth living became the only thing that mattered.
The opening chapters of this account have that all-familiar combination of nostalgia and hardship that someone has remembering hard times. Through the lens of retrospection, it’s hard to imagine how the author got through them, but there are still nostalgic feelings and fond memories interwoven with the trauma. The chronological retelling is the most sensible way for her story to unfold, but she takes an interesting step further by labeling each of the years as they pass after the introduction. As a result, readers really get a sense of how much a person’s lifestyle changes with the large-scale passage of time. The transitions are gradual, and the attitudes of the author and her friends reflect the thinking of the time, making for a good reference point for what life was like not only for her but all of the people around her.
Discussions of drug use, sexual abuse, violence, firearms, and psychological concerns are key components of this story, and readers should be aware that the harsher elements of life in the late twentieth century and beyond are not glossed over. The author does an impressive job of outlining the obstacles that have been in her path since birth and the ways she was able to survive them, but it can still be a lot for the reader’s empathy to see so much happening all at once with only small moments of relief. In keeping with the overall feel of the author’s life story, there are new insults and injuries up until the final pages, but there is also always an appreciation of the good things in life, such as love, family, music, and the room to grow and change.