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Author and attorney Engel assumes an unusual and challenging yet much-needed task: to demonstrate, through his experience as a divorce attorney, the ways in which a determined woman might pursue and secure a future of genuine love and security after the trauma of legal separation and the inherent complications of divorce. In his long career, Engel became acquainted with and legally represented divorcing clients, the majority of whom were women, as they faced marital disentanglement, which can include hidden or overt rage, loss of financial support, unfaithfulness, unfulfilled ambitions, and in many instances, a sense of the inability ever to achieve a successful new relationship. Women often believe they can rely solely on their intuition, which can be a powerful motivator. But if it is not, Engel asserts, underpinned by pragmatic considerations and a truly open mind devoid of discouragements that follow divorce. Engel delivers a more than sufficient guide to new and better pathways.
Many case histories are recounted, such as that of a man so dependent on “his adulterous lovers” that he was willing to agree to a settlement that would affect his finances very negatively. Engel’s own life included a divorce after twenty-five years of marriage, an experience that clearly endowed him with deeper insight and expanded empathy surrounding his book’s theme. One vibrant illustration of his wish to uphold the positive aspects of relationships was his sense that a certain couple seeking divorce was, in fact, compatible and well-suited to sustain a relationship; his counseling of both partners resulted in a saved marriage. The way forward for a woman in a post-divorce situation, Engel states, is her acquisition of “independence, patience, class and veracity,” qualities that may include basic intuition but go well beyond it, requiring a diligent search for a partner who is unselfish, kind-hearted, communicative, honest, mature, and able to make the commitment needed with humor and tenderness. To find such a mate, a woman must learn to present herself as someone who has and can share those qualities. The quest may be long, but the goal of attaining true love should be ever at the forefront.
Engel displays his skills as a wordsmith in this well-considered work, drawing on his success in the legal profession, beginning with his role as captain in the Judge Advocate Corps of the US Army after completing his law degree. His book cites the numerous thorny elements involved in many typical divorces, such as pre-nuptial agreements, custody and support of children, financial implications, and clandestine or overt infidelity. He has observed the tendency of some women to remain in a prison-like marriage rather than combating barriers and setting themselves free and the contrasting tendency to dominate their partner, exacting such control that infidelity may become the husband’s chosen means of escape. All such material, along with legal terminology, is explained in detail, demonstrating the author’s expertise. The manual fulfills its title’s promise, encouraging women to explore their best wishes, hopes, and capabilities regarding future partners. Engel’s book provides a cogent, realistic overview of women’s post-divorce choices that will be of use for lively group discussion and individual study.
RECOMMENDED by the US Review