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Actress, playwright, and composer Marylee Martin examines the hidden, long-term effects of childhood covert sexual abuse in this award-winning themed memoir. Covert abuse, while solely verbal and mental rather than physical, is a less dramatic but equally damaging form of sexual abuse and is sadly common in all cultures and at every level of society. Children who escape ongoing sexual molestation or more violent forms of physical abuse still struggle in their adult lives and experience similar symptoms of confusion, uncertainty, anxiety, and depression—reactions familiar to victims of overt, hands-on sexual abuse.
Along the way, Martin also suffered from uninvited sexual groping by boys and men that happens to nearly every woman alive, a problem now openly discussed in this age of the #MeToo movement. But before her brief scrapes with overt sexual abusers, Martin experienced the peculiar, covert form of verbal and mental sexual incest caused by her father’s inappropriate emotional boundaries. He shared intimate information about his disappointment with his sexual relationship with his wife, Martin’s mother, in long talks with his daughter. On the surface, the young Martin felt flattered that her father would share this information. She was his favorite daughter, and she thought the information that he provided about how to sexually satisfy men and hold their attention would be helpful to her in the future. She vowed not to make the same sexual “mistakes” that caused her father’s dissatisfaction with her mother. It took two years in therapy in her fifties before Martin unraveled the mystery of why her father’s sharing of private information about her mother created ongoing discomfort for her even though he was a supportive parent otherwise. When she gently confronted her father at a family gathering after her epiphany during counseling, he quickly shut down and changed the subject.
Martin’s fascinating life included a long stint in the 1970s with the well-known international musical touring company Up with People. She left her university journalism program after a single semester to join the production. While a positive influence on her life and on her career in entertainment, the group was a function of the cult-like Moral ReArmament (MRA). When the company had a show in Rome during a European tour, Martin had the opportunity to catch a glimpse of the pope at St. Peter’s Square. A devout Catholic, Martin expressed what a high point this sighting would be for her. Ironically, she was sexually groped by a man in the packed crowd as the pope came into view, and she missed seeing him as she struggled to get away from the abuser while he physically molested her until she finally broke free.
Martin articulately outlines the progression of the highs and lows she experienced during her childhood, young adulthood, and middle-aged years leading up to the present. Her frank and sincere writing is thoughtful and engaging. She leaves no stone unturned in her effort to analyze her predicament and to educate readers on the ongoing effects that covert sexual abuse has on both men and women. The narrative is a much-needed look at covert sexual abuse and will encourage anyone who has experienced this to seek the peace and healing that they deserve. Martin writes, “The damage done at the start, unrealized and compounded, could have been stopped by self-awareness and the realization that I had, like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, the power all along to change my destiny.”
RECOMMENDED by the US Review
A 2024 Eric Hoffer Book Award Nominee