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gestures, the words I did not know yet yearning
to be spoken? You let go then, still yourself"
Award-winning writer David Meischen delivers a beautiful, heart-rending collection of poems with his debut book. It is mostly inspired by his early life in rural Texas, where he explores the pain, joy, confusion, and exhilaration of discovering his sexuality in the Lone Star State. There is no particular linear timeline of the work here. Instead, Meischen weaves together a tapestry of vivid moments throughout his lifetime, traversing on a journey of rumination across decades between childhood and adulthood. The author probes afflictions and times of euphoria with his younger self. At other times, he considers the present, himself as a father, marriage, and aging. A few notable poems lend praise and honor to his long-time husband, poet and artist Scott Wiggerman, who provides the graceful artwork for the book's cover.
Reading Meischen's work is to witness the transformation of a person over time, a chronicle of a man understanding and embracing his identity. The distinctive and introspective work assembled here reflects upon Meischen's personal experiences. They are sometimes uncomfortable, occasionally frenetic, happy, or sad. All are the culmination of what shapes Meischen into the openly proud gay man he is today. And it's not an easy passage.
Memory frames these intimate poems, in which Meischen examines a somewhat awkward childhood, concealed and unleashed lust, or his father's nonacceptance amid self-discovery and yearning. There are free-verse poems, and there are pantoums. And every one of them confirms Meischen's command of the literary form, both in subject and structure. In "Farm Outhouse with Mail-Order Catalog, 1957," young curiosity permits the exploration of a hidden, burgeoning longing for men. "Lone Star Desires at the Triple Six: A Pantoum Bent on Misbehaving" conveys a hunger to surrender to desire. "Taking Communion" is a heartbreaking lamentation of unbidden, forbidden longing and how it can hurt us. "Butterflies Just Out of Reach" reflects on the dangers of taboo inclinations and the need to be free from restraint.
A few other poems muse on slightly different but related topics. "Skipping Rope, 1958" remembers iconic moments and the horror of a tragedy. "That Subtle Knot" considers the sixteenth president's intimate relationship with Joshua Fry Speed. "Self-Portrait, Age Twenty-Four" and "Self-Portrait, Age Sixty-Four" are just some of the self-portrait poems that appear throughout. These self-observations explore the author at pivotal ages between boyhood and fatherhood.
Death, love, and sexual awakening are the central themes that permeate Meischen's work. He bares the traumas of his upbringing, which helped mold Meischen into the man he is today. The power of his poetry expresses and acknowledges the feeling of finally being free, of being open and honest. He does not shy away from or sugarcoat anything. This is evidenced by the explicit scenes and details found in select poems. With his words, Meischen speaks particularly to those who feel like outsiders, who feel judged or punished for being themselves. It is for all those gay sons (and daughters) who feel lost.
The title is partly an allusion and tribute to a deceased cousin named Gary. As Meischen professes, "More than once, he invited himself into these poems. He, too, could have been anyone's son." It is also worth taking the time to read Meischen's notes, where he offers further insight into chosen poems. With this lean book, readers are gifted with an incredible breadth of incidents amid a landscape as wide and lonely as the Southwest. It is a candid and revealing collection that celebrates truth and pride in identity, no matter who one is or where a person comes from. Meischen's compilation is a deeply heartfelt, affecting, and worthy read.
A 2021 Eric Hoffer Book Award da Vinci Eye Finalist
RECOMMENDED by the US Review