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After marrying in Israel, the author’s parents moved to Los Angeles shortly before he was born. His father was a survivor of the concentration camp known as Dachau, and his mother survived by being hidden in a barn where she watched her own mother die and was in constant fear of being turned into the Nazis by the abusive family who owned the property. When his parents split, his aunt and uncle took him in. They, too, survived the war and kept their scars hidden. However, they worked extremely hard to provide for Raff and loved him very much. Later, Raff’s mother took him back, luring him away with the promise of the sister he didn’t know he had.
Unfortunately, Raff's mother was verbally, psychologically, and physically abusive. Eventually, his aunt and uncle were able to get the state involved with the family. The eve before the court was likely going to return Raff to them, his mother took the children and fled to Israel. Yet, her hepatitis was so bad that he was sent to live with relatives who were still in Israel, and his half-sister went to an orphanage. After dealing with the courts in Israel, Raff was allowed to return to Los Angeles and his aunt and uncle. This was a profound improvement, but the pain and trauma he had been subject to, in addition to the inherited trauma from his parents, led Raff to heavy drinking, drugs, sex addiction, and failed relationships. In time, as he began to seek counseling for his issues, he noticed the same behaviors in his own son. Although he realized he needed to change his life, life still held more trauma and tragedy for him.
The idea of generational trauma can seem somewhat theoretical when discussed. The harmful effect of historical abuse passed down through generations makes sense, but more as a concept than a concrete behavior to which one can specifically point. Raff’s memoir does an excellent job of showing the direct, seeable impact generational trauma can have on a person and the influence it has on one's development and decision-making. Through the candid examination of his own life, he brings this abstraction, along with the damage of child abuse, into stark reality.
Although generational trauma wasn’t in the global conversation until the 1960s, it is present in novels throughout literary history. Modern novels dealing with the same themes include Amy Tan’s The Joy Luck Club, Isabel Allende’s House of Spirits, and Lionel Shriver’s We Need To Talk About Kevin. Each of these fiction titles deals with several themes, including generational trauma. Raff’s memoir separates itself in that this trauma is the central theme, and readers effectively watch it unfold as Raff’s story is told. In many ways, it is the central antagonist, even more than his abusive mother or his destructive choices.
Raff’s writing mainly consists of clean, unadorned sentences orderly chronicling his life. This makes it an easy and quick-to-read book. The dialogue of Raff as a child feels off at times, coming across as a bit more adult than that of a child, and there are points where the author seems too close to the material to view it objectively. However, these are also typical components of memoirs, observable facets that distinguish them from standard autobiographies. The frank discussion of his existence and the excellent example of generational trauma the book provides give the book a wide appeal, and readers will undoubtedly be moved by Raff’s story while developing a better understanding of its central theme.