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Despite his inability to function as a healthy, well-integrated person after a troubling childhood, author Maresh earned an entry-level degree in biology and English, followed by medical school and completion of a residency in psychiatry. His original motivation was that his dysfunctional mother had wanted to be a doctor, but women of her generation weren't admitted into medical school. But she did master Spanish and graduated from Rice Institute. Dyslexic in early childhood, Maresh had trouble learning to read, and he also took to heart his mother's rambling critiques that he should become a doctor, along with the abusive declarations that he was too deficient to amount to anything. As early as his last week of first grade after a promotion to a higher reading group, Maresh's thoughts turned to studying at Rice. He writes: "I saw Mother's excitement and the pride she felt for me and decided that maybe she would love me if I could transform myself into a good student. If I could become such a good student that I could get accepted into the Rice Institute, she would love me then."
Maresh's narrative doesn't spill all the beans up front but skillfully builds intrigue and tension as he navigates readers toward the raw, shocking revelations of sexual abuse by his mother and maternal grandfather. This sordid "gift" is often passed through generations and ends only when victims seek healing rather than lashing out later with the repressed anger and misguided instincts displayed by their abusers. Young Maresh also experienced serious psychological battering and severe beatings to the point of unconsciousness by his mother, who, as it turns out, had also been sexually abused by her father, whose pedophilia led him to sexually abuse kids at ages three to five because he thought they couldn't remember. Maresh's father, a highly co-dependent man, allowed his wife free rein to abuse their youngest child and possibly the author's older siblings as well.
Maresh tackles his heartbreaking memoir with the wisdom gained not only from direct experience, but through his studies, his profession, and the resilience that ultimately protected him from daily thoughts of suicide for several years in young adulthood. Children almost always consider themselves at fault for trauma dished out by relatives or other adults who should be trustworthy. This creates a double whammy of shame and depression for the child, even when their abuse isn't consciously recalled. Maresh learned early on to dissociate during abusive incidents, and though he had some memories, others surfaced as a young adult later during psychotherapy. He recognized as he began his college studies that he would be unable to successfully complete them without entering psychotherapy first. His inability to date girls in high school pointed to his deep inner confusion about women and sexuality. "My mind remembers what it can stand to remember. It had taken all those years of psychotherapy before my soul felt good enough about itself that I could remember."
Some chapters of the volume are brief vignettes that feel situational even though these are integral moments of the larger memoir. Readers who prefer this compartmentalized approach will enjoy the pauses between these vignettes—and the tough subject matter does often inspire pause for reflection. While not a guidebook that offers solace and advice, this narrative exudes hope and demonstrates in no uncertain terms that brave self-reflection and therapy allow victims to successfully live alongside deeply humiliating and scarring memories.
RECOMMENDED by the US Review