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In 1942, a young woman attempts to perform her own abortion. She only succeeds in mangling the infant's head and delivering the frail but living baby three months early. That scrappy little girl reclaims her birth name of Crystal and grows up fighting for everything she achieves—and facing repeated failures and disappointments along the way. Her wealthy parents inundate her with every gift except affection. She grows up to have eight failed marriages and numerous failed businesses behind her. Her birth mother rejects her a second time as an adult. Dance, including exotic dancing, is the only thing that comes easy to Crystal and makes her feel alive. But as much as she loves dancing, Crystal feels something else besides romantic love is missing. Is it the ability to accept herself as a person, without a man? Or is she searching for the unconditional love of God?
These are the poignant memories of a Native American woman who first learns that her considerable beauty and sensuality are viewed as crucial determinants of her worth. It demonstrates that the process of unlearning those destructive mental habits takes a lifetime. The author includes a wide variety of photographs from her dance and modeling careers. This memoir also explores identity crises as Crystal changes her name from Sue Ann back to Crystal and then details the awkwardness of sharing both a first and middle name with her biological older sister. Her eventual adherence to the Jehovah's Witnesses satisfyingly resolves another such crisis. Native American women, adoptees, divorcees, and domestic and drug abuse survivors may find this book to be of particular interest.